I've tried all those calming techniques they say will help and are good for you but all that happens when I'm doing those deep breathing exercises is think about how silly this is and how I should go and do some actual exercise and then my mind goes from there in a never ending mess of thoughts.
My mind continues to wander and question and all I want it to do is take a moment of silence. I just need some quiet. I need a break. But I know I'll never be released from this constant cognitive firing. It's just who I am and any attempt I try to escape is a joke.
I'm not going to stop thinking about that lie you keep repeating, or the people I've lost. I still think about that dog down the street who used to bark and run along with me as I drove by. And I can't help but think of those quiet seemingly meaningless moments that I have found now define me.
My mind will never be silent. It will continue screaming in a silly sort of madness and I will continue to try and untangle the mess it leaves behind.
