It's been known to happen

She kept saying that it wasn't anything, I'm fine, it's nothing. Over and over again, she kept repeating it. I'm fine, it's nothing. I'm fine, it's nothing. And I kept asking what it was exactly because it was expected of me and at the time I really did care. But after a while I grew tired of always asking the same things and getting the same answers. You can call me a terrible person, you would probably be right in saying that, but I held on as long as I could, I did. Whether you believe me or not, I tried to help her. But there comes a point where you need to let go and move on. My love is still freely given to her, I just no longer ask those questions and she no longer waits to be asked.

Clouds in the Sky

I remember when I wanted to shake mountains and make a change in the world. I wanted to stand out. I wanted to be that person people would stop to talk about. Not because I was the latest scandal but because I had done something meaningful and worthwhile. But here is the deepest secret nobody knows: 

I never actually wanted those things. When it comes down to it, I like sitting on the grass and watching the clouds roll across the sky too much. I'm content in the little meaningless moments of each day. And while at times I might feel my soul cry out for a change, it quiets down after a while and I go back to staring up at the sky.

I'm a void

Here's the thing.

I feel myself moving, but I don't find myself going anywhere. I know, it's a little cliche, but it's true. I'm surrounded by things and people and lists of things to do and I know I'm going and I know I'm working but I feel as though when I take a moment to look back and see all that I have accomplished, there's nothing there. It's as if I'm taking up a giant space of nothingness. I'm a void. When it comes down to it I just want to feel like I mattered. That this bag of bones was worth something to someone. I know I'm not going to change the world, that is too grand for me, but I would very much like to change a small part of it. For the better, I would hope.

Lovely little thoughts

A glimpse in the life

She's known as the good girl who does what she's told 

but inside she holds a seed of rebellion 

that has been planted in her heart and is waiting to grow.

I need to know

Can you hear it?

Please tell me you do because I need to know that someone can.

It's my heart. I know it's faint and I know it's fading, but it's still there. It may be bleeding out, but it's still beating.

I didn't always take care of it, I realize that, and now it may be too late, but I think it may last. If it can just hold me out a little longer I swear I will change. I will be tender and I will be kind. I will no longer wear my heart on my sleeve to be seen and used and abused. I will start doing my cardio workout and I will cut out all the fast food and sweets. I'll start taking care of my heart, I will. It just might take some time.

And while it may be hard to hear and feel, I know it's still there. But I need someone to tell me that they can hear it too. Because with each passing day I'm beginning to question it's existence.

Please tell me you can hear it. I need to know that I'm still alive.

The facts are these:

• One of my eyes squint when I smile
• I say "you know" way too much
• I should go out more, I'm a bit of a loner
• I'm okay with being a loner
• I say I like to run when really I haven't gone in months
• I like having my toenails painted but not my fingernails, I pick at them too much
• I like to think that I'm honest but lie more than I would like to admit
• I'm trying to be better, but I could do better
• I spend most of my time daydreaming
• I have a bunch of songs in different languages on my iPod. I don't know what they say, but I like how they sound.